Cabin Pressure: San Tropez
by Breakinglight11
Summary: [Cabin Pressure] The MJN crew has to take an engaged couple to a party in San Tropez, but the couple's behavior does little to soothe Martin's current romantic worries. In an effort to buck him up, the rest of the crew share their own stories of romance past, and all the travails that came with them. Takes place after "Veduz" but before "Yverdon-les-Bains."
1. Any Proximity-to-be-Weds

CABIN PRESSURE:  
><span>SAN TROPEZ<span>  
>By Phoebe Roberts<br>~~~

I wanted this to feel as much like an additional episode as possible. It's written in audio script format with the intention of working out to about a thirty or so minute runtime if performed aloud. I plan to release it one scene at a time. I did my best to make it feel the the series, but it's certainly challenging to emulate John Finnemore's signature style!

Dedicated to my friend Gabrielle Geller, who introduced me to Cabin Pressure.

MUSIC: CABIN PRESSURE THEME

MARTIN: Cabin Pressure, by Phoebe Roberts! Starring Stephanie Cole as Carolyn, Roger Allam as Douglas, Benedict Cumberbatch as Martin, and John Finnemore as Arthur. This week… San Tropez!

SOUND: AUDIENCE APPLAUSE

Scene 1 - INT. CABIN OF PLANE

DOUGLAS: Morning, Arthur.

ARTHUR: Morning, Douglas!

DOUGLAS: Has anyone else arrived?

ARTHUR: Well, Skip's doing the walkaround, but—

SOUND: MARTIN PASSING BRISKLY THROUGH

MARTIN: Save it, Douglas, whatever your nonsense today, I don't have time for it!

DOUGLAS: Well, that's told my nonsense. How about Carolyn?

ARTHUR: Mum's here too, but—

CAROLYN: Douglas, if you are thinking about starting with me today, let me thoroughly disabuse you of the notion.

DOUGLAS: Consider me disabused. I see everyone's just a vibrant ray of sunshine today.

ARTHUR: Thanks, Douglas, I do my best!

DOUGLAS: Oh, except for you, Arthur. You are not so much a ray as a pure concentrated laser beam. So what's got you in such a foul mood, Carolyn?

CAROLYN: That bears a remarkable resemblance to starting with me, Douglas.

DOUGLAS: All right. What's got you in such a completely normal mood, Carolyn?

CAROLYN: Oh, it's just the clients for today. A Miss... Trudy Cadwallader, and a Mr. Clifford Speedwell the Third.

SOUND: MARTIN PASSING BRISKLY THROUGH

MARTIN: The third? There's three blokes who've been inflicted with a name like Clifford Speedwell?

CAROLYN: Just the sort of toffs you'd expect. They're an engaged couple we're flying to his parents' anniversary party at their summer home in San Tropez.

DOUGLAS: That would be Mr. and Mrs. Biff Speedtrap the Second, presumably. So we're taking a pair young lovers to a joyous occasion in a tropical paradise? Sounds absolutely terrible.

CAROLYN: I just hate flying newlyweds. Or, almost-to-be-weds. Or any sort of proximity to-be-weds.

SOUND: MARTIN PASSING BRISKLY THROUGH

MARTIN: Oh, yes, that kind of joy, there's just something oppressive about it.

CAROLYN: If you're going to contribute, do you mind standing still enough for me to smack you for it? As for newlyweds, they're irritatingly silly, they're impossible to talk to, you have to wait for them to get through with their embarrassing displays in public. To say nothing of what use they make of the restroom!

SOUND: MUFFLED VOICES YELLING

ARTHUR: Mum, I think they're here!

CAROLYN: Oh, battle stations, everyone.

SOUND: CABIN DOOR OPENING

CAROLYN: Ah, yes- hello! Welcome to MJN-

SOUND: FEET STOMPING IN

CLIFF: I swear, Trudy, that girl wouldn't leave me alone!

TRUDY: Of course she wasn't, you were practically trying to shove that twenty quid down her blouse!

CLIFF: What kind of tosser doesn't tip the waitress?

TRUDY: What kind of tosser bribes the staff to make him feel like a big man!? Or wasn't that the tip you were thinking of!?

SOUND: VOICES TAPERING OFF

SOUND: FEET STOMPING THROUGH

CAROLYN: As I was saying... right this way...

(Pause.)

DOUGLAS: On the bright side, Carolyn, it looks like you won't have a problem.


	2. Meet Trudy and Cliff

Scene 2 - INT. CABIN OF PLANE

CAROLYN: Hello, I am Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, and I'd like to welcome you on behalf of MJN Air.

CLIFF: This is the plane?

ARTHUR: We call her Gertie!

CLIFF: Oh, God. All it needs is a couple of passed-out drunks under the seats and it might as well be the Tube.

TRUDY: Oh, I'm sure you'll fix that once you get them to open the liquor cabinet.

CAROLYN: While Arthur and I are here to make your trip as smooth as possible, we must draw the line at anything that leaves passengers actually incapacitated.

ARTHUR: But, Mum! What about the time the fight broke out with the football team and you used that empty Jameson's bottle to—

CAROLYN: Thank you, Arthur! I trust we needn't worry about riots breaking out between a pair of fiancés.

TRUDY: Don't be so certain, if Cliff doesn't stop texting the towel girl at the tennis club.

CLIFF: Caw, Trude, give it a rest. What's everybody going to say when you show up making a mug like you're a bulldog that somebody kicked in the face?

ARTHUR: Mum says you're on your way to an anniversary party in San Tropez!

TRUDY: Oh, is that why we're slingshotting ourselves across the Pacific in a junk heap somebody shot down in the Second World War? We have to go halfway around the world so you can let waitresses sit on your lap while your father tells us how his portfolio and his prostate are doing?

CLIFF: No, it's because I'm not shut up in enough tiny boxes that I can't get out of while you harangue me.

TRUDY: You never listen to a word I say anyway!

CLIFF: How could I, when you've always got me bleeding from the ears!?

TRUDY: Well, have it your way! I am not speaking to you, Clifford! Clifford, do you hear me!? Come back here so I can tell you how I am never speaking to you again! You never listen to me, Clifford! Clifford!

CLIFF: (yelling from the rear) What have you got to drink on this flying bus

INT. FLIGHT DECK

SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING

CAROLYN: Martin, Douglas, have you seen the Johnnie Walker anywhere?

MARTIN: It's ten o'clock in the morning!

CAROLYN: It's an emergency, I assure you. Oh, I would have stocked something a little nicer if I didn't have to worry about Douglas nicking it.

DOUGLAS: I'm strictly a Tallisker man. Won't Tartan be good enough for old whatshisname… "Stiff Speedbump?"

MARTIN: You'd better not let them hear you say that.

DOUGLAS: Oh, no? Will that mean they won't talk to me? Because that would be terrible.


	3. Back on the Bobsled

Scene 3 - INT. FLIGHT DECK

DOUGLAS: Fuel balanced, Captain. Captain?

(Pause.)

DOUGLAS: Martin!

MARTIN: Ah! What!?

DOUGLAS: What's got you so on edge?

MARTIN: No, no, just leave it, Douglas. Can't we just... enjoy the quiet?

CLIFF: (from the cabin) For Christ's sake, already, she was just helping me into my coat!

DOUGLAS: Evidently not.

MARTIN: Seriously, Douglas, I've got a lot on my mind, and I just want to hear myself think.

TRUDY: (from the cabin) It looked like she was helping HERSELF into your coat!

MARTIN: Ugh!

DOUGLAS: You might as well just tell me.

MARTIN: I don't want to talk about it.

DOUGLAS: Oh, come on. It's either have a chat, or listen to Tiff and Snooty tear into one another back there.

MARTIN: Well, if you must know... it's that Theresa and I, well, we've got a date coming up.

DOUGLAS: I thought things were going swimmingly. Against all sensible odds.

MARTIN: They are! It's only that... it's not so much a date. It's a trip she wants to go on. An overnight trip.

DOUGLAS: Why, Martin- do you mean-

MARTIN: (Sigh) Yes!

DOUGLAS: Oh-ho! Time's come to storm the princess's battlements, eh?

MARTIN: Douglas! That's disgusting!

DOUGLAS: Do you at least take the hat off for that? Or does she like you to keep it on?

MARTIN: I don't even know if things are headed that way! But... I don't want to be unprepared.

DOUGLAS: Oh, Martin. Surely you don't mean you're—

MARTIN: What? No! Not that it's any of your business, but I do have my petanque team.

DOUGLAS: And now it's well and truly a bobsled. Well, fear not, Martin! You've come to the right man for pointers.

MARTIN: Oh, God, no!

DOUGLAS: We will see your sled cross that finish line, fully loaded, hopefully not first, and with no parties injured or grievously disappointed!

MARTIN: Ahhhhhhh, Douglas, will you please stop talking about my ruddy bobsled!?

SOUND: FLIGHT DECK DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES.

CAROLYN: For heaven's sake, Martin, isn't there enough yelling going on in this tiny metal room already?

MARTIN: Douglas is asking very invasive questions!

DOUGLAS: About his overnight trip with Theresa.

CAROLYN: Why, Douglas! Are you so hard up these days that you're keen on living through Martin, of all people?

DOUGLAS: Hardly. It's something like watching a nature program- it's not your cup of tea exactly, but you find yourself curious how they get up to it anyhow.


	4. Not Speaking to You

SCENE 4 – INT. CABIN OF PLANE

ARTHUR: Good day to yourself, madam, is there any comfortability I can performify for yourself in my fulfillification of my officiality as steward?

TRUDY: What?

ARTHUR: Can I get you anything?

TRUDY: How about a man that would let me drag him around by the collar and sit up and speak if I asked?

ARTHUR: Uh... I think Skip's a little busy flying the plane.

CLIFF: Don't you have a purse dog to smother?

TRUDY: Steward, could you go inform my fellow passenger that I am still not speaking to him?

ARTHUR: Righto! Mr. Speedwell, Miss Cadwallader says to tell you-

CLIFF: I'm not deaf, kid. God doesn't answer that particular prayer around here!

ARTHUR: In that case, hello! I am your flight attendant! Please tell me in what manner I can attend your flight!

CLIFF: You want to help me out? Why don't you tell the princess over there that if she isn't going to speak to me, could she try shutting up for a bleeding minute?

ARTHUR: Uh... Miss Cadwallader, Mr. Speedwell requests that, if you're going to be quiet, you be certain you have nothing to say.

TRUDY: Then tell Mr. Speedwell that since I'm not talking to him, I'll say whatever I bloody well please!

ARTHUR: All right... Mr. Speedwell, Miss Cadwallader would have you understand that she is addressing persons other than yourself.

CLIFF: Then you tell her that if she addresses them any louder, she's going to bust that gut she just had me pay so much for!

ARTHUR: Uh- Miss Cadwallader-!

TRUDY: Tell him it didn't cost a fraction so much as those sodding tooth caps of his!

ARTHUR: Oh, gosh. Mr. Speedwell-!

CLIFF: Tell her highness that if she stopped scowling once in a while she might not need to shoot all that Botox into her face!

ARTHUR: Uh-

TRUDY: Tell his nibs to take one look at his father and see if a man with that much turkey neck in his future ought to be making jabs!

ARTHUR: Uh-

CLIFF: Tell her that I'd rather look like a ruddy sharpei than spend the rest of my life anchored to a keening shrew of a woman who'll gnaw every last scrap of flesh from my bones!

TRUDY: We'll, I'd rather have my brain pulled out of my head through my nostrils with corkscrews and be fed piece by piece to ravenous carrion birds than be yoked to drunken philandering Neanderthal of a man who will drag me into the rotted, pickled, mouldering depths of his family's cave for the rest of eternity! Can you tell him that!?

(Pause.)

ARTHUR: No, madam, I really can't!


	5. Old Romantic

Notes: Finally getting into the old relationship stuff. Which is what I bet most of you are probably here for. Tried hard to make it fit with what we know of everyone. Hope it's to your liking! :-)

SCENE 5 – INT. FLIGHT DECK

MARTIN: Ew, Douglas!

DOUGLAS: It works!

MARTIN: Come on, she'd never stand for it!

DOUGLAS: Hand to God! You've just got to get your fingers just so, and if you've done it right, she'll be too carried off to get in a huff over it.

MARTIN: Does that really work!?

DOUGLAS: Like a charm! In fact, if you're feeling daring, you can—

MARTIN: No, no, don't tell me!

DOUGLAS: Oh, good heavens, Martin. Hung up much?

MARTIN: Yes, like a proper Englishman!

DOUGLAS: That's the attitude that makes the rest of the world look for romance from the French.

MARTIN: I just don't want to bollocks this up. I don't have the best track record with women.

DOUGLAS: I rather got that when you tried chatting up that hostie at the Cardiff airport by telling her her skin looked delicious.

MARTIN: I don't know what's wrong with me!

(Pause.)

DOUGLAS: That one's so easy I can't even bear to touch it.

MARTIN: Thanks for that, Douglas. Well, whatever obvious glaring things they may be, it doesn't help that I get so nervous.

DOUGLAS: You? Nervous? Never!

MARTIN: I just panic, I can't help it! Even if by some miracle things are going well, before long I start obsessing over how they could possibly want to be with me.

DOUGLAS: Aren't you reassured by the fact that they're there at all?

MARTIN: Oh, think about it, Douglas! Would you want to be with me?

DOUGLAS: While I see your point, I'm not sure I'm a representative sample.

MARTIN: Well, the fact is, I panic, whether they want to be there or not. And I end up clinging to them so hard I frighten them off.

DOUGLAS: Nothing puts a little confidence in you like a few tricks up your sleeve.

MARTIN: Will you come off that?

DOUGLAS: I thought you wanted to get your bobsled back in the race!

MARTIN: Douglas-!

DOUGLAS: Sounds as if you've been out of the running for some time now.

MARTIN: Yes, yes, okay? But I like this girl! I'm not looking to— have one off in the cloakroom at the BAFTAs with someone whose name I wouldn't even know if they didn't announce her for Best Supporting Actress!

DOUGLAS: That was one occasion, Martin! I don't know why I even told you about that, it isn't as if you appreciate it.

MARTIN: I'm just trying to take a slightly more... romantic approach.

DOUGLAS: Here now! There's more to me than just a devastatingly magnetic ladykiller. I've a romantic side too. You see, Martin, it's all part of the game. Like when I met my first wife— let me tell you, when a woman is forced into a bridesmaid's dress as hideous as that one, she'll be on the lookout for the first possible opportunity to get out of it. And that is a tip from me to you.

MARTIN: Sounds like a very solid foundation for a relationship.

DOUGLAS: Oh, not at all. She was a lot of fun, Joan was, but we weren't quite as suited other ways. It got to the point where I was picking fights just so we could scream at one other already and skip ahead to the snogging.

MARTIN: Does that work?

DOUGLAS: Makeup sex, my friend. God's gift to hot-tempered women and the men whose every move manages to irritate them.

MARTIN: Irritating women has never gotten me that result before.

DOUGLAS: I suppose I don't recommend it. Nothing kills the development of skills at conflict resolution like trying to shag all your troubles away.

MARTIN: I'd like to stay in the game long enough to have conflicts before I worry about how we're going to resolve them.

DOUGLAS: I commend your optimism, old boy. But I've got experience there too. Now, Melinda, my second wife, she was much more sensible. She had things like goals. And plans. And a checking account.

MARTIN: And that drew you to her?

DOUGLAS: Well, I thought as my life grew more, shall we say, chaotic, I thought it might do me good to settle on someone steadier. And I've always been drawn to women who can hold their own in a back-and-forth.

MARTIN: Oh-ho, does Carolyn know about that? She ought to know what she's getting into with your cracking verbal sparring.

DOUGLAS: Carolyn? I'm a brave man, Martin, not a damn fool.

MARTIN: But again with the rows. I'm beginning to notice a pattern.

DOUGLAS: Well, it took me long enough, but I finally wised up.

MARTIN: When you split up with Melinda?

DOUGLAS: Actually when she split up with me. When the drinking got to be too much.

MARTIN: Oh.

DOUGLAS: As I said. She was much more sensible than Joan.

(Pause.)

MARTIN: I'm sorry.

DOUGLAS: So it goes. It wasn't all bad, you know. I did get Emily out of the deal.

MARTIN: You'll forgive me if I'm not feeling particularly encouraged.

DOUGLAS: Oh, don't give up. I'll have you know that, despite it all, I'm a great fan of marriage.

MARTIN: Well, you'd have to be, to do it as many times as you have.

DOUGLAS: At least that's not you're concern now.

MARTIN: Isn't it?

DOUGLAS: I know you're not just trying to get one over, Martin, but I should say that's moving a little fast.

MARTIN: No, no, I mean... all I'm saying is, if I do... get one over... I'd like to... stay over. Once I've... once I've gotten there. If you know what I mean.

DOUGLAS: I hate to say it, but I rather think I do.


	6. Full-Service Flight

SCENE 6 – INT. CABIN OF PLANE

ARTHUR: Excuse me. Miss Cadwallader?

TRUDY: What is it?

ARTHUR: Just wanted to see if you're all right. After you… threw that highball glass at Mr. Speedwell.

TRUDY: And missed. So how do you think I'm doing?

ARTHUR: Well, in that case, is there anything I can do so that you enjoy your flight more?

TRUDY: Are you a better shot than me?

ARTHUR: Probably not.

TRUDY: Hmph. Still, that's remarkably considerate of you. Unlike some people.

(Pause.)

TRUDY: You know… I can't believe I never noticed what a dashing fellow you are. And so attentive!

ARTHUR: Uh… thanks, miss. Something wrong with your eyes?

TRUDY: Just looking at you, handsome.

ARTHUR: I'm… sorry?

TRUDY: Oh, no. Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Jimmy Stewart?

ARTHUR: No. Buster Brown, once or twice.

TRUDY: Well, it's very smart on you.

ARTHUR: Heh. Haven't heard that one before either!

TRUDY: And you seem like you know how to treat a lady.

ARTHUR: Well, Mum says we live or die on satisfying the customer.

TRUDY: Ooh! Now you've got me all a-flutter.

ARTHUR: You know, we have got drops in the first aid kit.

TRUDY: No, no, there's something else you can help me with. I've just got this terrible… pain in my neck, you see. It's been bothering me since before we took off. I could use a pair of big strong hands to… work it out for me. If you take my meaning.

ARTHUR: Uh…

TRUDY: You asked how you could serve me, didn't you? Well, I've been craving a little something sweet.

ARTHUR: Like cheesecake?

TRUDY: Like steward.

ARTHUR: I... don't think that's on the menu.

TRUDY: I thought you wanted to help me out!

ARTHUR: Of course, I love helping!

TRUDY: Then do you work at being this thick!?

ARTHUR: No, I'm just really good at it!

TRUDY: Then let me be clearer— come over here already!

ARTHUR: Ah! I don't think Mr. Speedwell would be quite keen on this!

TRUDY: Perfect!

SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING

CAROLYN: Arthur, haven't you finished with the drinks service- oh, good heavens.

ARTHUR: Mum! It's—not what it looks like!

TRUDY: For Christ's sake!

CAROLYN: Madam, I regret to inform you that this does not fall under the heading of "full service flight."

TRUDY: You were supposed to be Cliff!

CLIFF: (From the back of the plane) Trudy, will you keep it down? Trying to catch the scores here!

TRUDY: You ought to me trying to catch me, you troglodyte! You're not the only one who's popular with the service people!

CLIFF: Yeah, yeah. Try not to leave marks on this one, will you? I'm not paying for any more hospital bills!

CAROLYN: Come along, Arthur.

ARTHUR: Mum— I swear I didn't—

CAROLYN: No, no, I quite understand. Or rather, I don't understand, but I've come to accept there are more things in heaven and earth. She doesn't belong to a pony club, does she?

TRUDY: How did you know?

CAROLYN: It's like bloody witchcraft, it is!


	7. Ordinary Level of Horrid

SCENE 7 – INT. FLIGHT DECK

SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING

CAROLYN: Make room, boys, we've got a casualty from the war zone.

DOUGLAS: How are things on the front? We got worried when the screaming and crashing sounds subsided.

MARTIN: But they seem to have started up again, so clearly all is right with the world.

CAROLYN: Now that I've wrested Arthur out of Miss Cadwallader's clutches, it is. He won't be in your hair long, just until I'm certain she's lost interest.

MARTIN: Wait, interest? Interest, in Arthur? What interest?

CAROLYN: Our poor boy here found himself the hapless pawn in a power struggle between two forces promised to join in holy union.

DOUGLAS: Which explains Arthur's unusually hunted mien.

ARTHUR: God, she was everywhere.

MARTIN: Hahaha… what?

ARTHUR: She said she was craving me.

CAROLYN: Oh, heavens.

MARTIN: What!?

DOUGLAS: Easy, Martin. Arthur, he was just wondering what Miss Cadwallader had in mind for you.

ARTHUR: Aw, was he? Don't worry, Skip! I can explain it to you.

MARTIN: What? No, I- Arthur, I know what that means! Miss Cadwallader, really?

CAROLYN: Oh, don't be so surprised. If he had a quid for every country club chippie that pursued Arthur as a way of striking back at some former boyfriend, parental figure, or religious authority, he could buy himself the good sense to find himself a better class of girl.

ARTHUR: Mum! I like to think some of them liked me for me.

MARTIN: Are you joking?

ARTHUR: Gee, Skip, is it so hard to believe?

MARTIN: No, not that. Do you do pretty well, you know, with the girls?

ARTHUR: Well, I don't like to go on, but-

CAROLYN: Good heavens, he draws them like flies.

DOUGLAS: Ha! Well done, Arthur!

ARTHUR: I don't think you should talk about them that way.

DOUGLAS: Oh, yes? What's the proper way to refer to overprivileged toff girls who enjoy a go-round with a human golden retriever?

ARTHUR: Come on, Douglas, a lot of them were nice!

DOUGLAS: They'd have to be, I'm sure.

ARTHUR: Mum, you don't really think—

CAROLYN: As much as I enjoy dissecting the personal qualities of your bevy of ladyfriends, Arthur, why don't you slip very quietly back into the galley and start preparing lunch? I'm sure Miss Cadwallader is too distracted by tearing a strip off of her fiance to try to do the same to you.

ARTHUR: All right, Mum.

SOUND: DOOR OPENING AND CLOSING

MARTIN: Arthur, even Arthur's got a better hold on it than me!

DOUGLAS: Carolyn, tell Martin something reassuring.

CAROLYN: Why me?

MARTIN: You've got some experience of it.

CAROLYN: Experience of what?

MARTIN: Love.

CAROLYN: Ha!

MARTIN: Well, marriage at least.

CAROLYN: By "marriage," do you mean the lifelong slog through hell with a man chained behind you at the ankle and children strapped in struggling bundles to your back?

DOUGLAS: In fairness, you only have one child, and managed to head off the "lifelong" part of things at the pass.

CAROLYN: I should think you, of all people, would understand. Mr. "Third Time Was Definitely Not the Charm."

DOUGLAS: Yes, well, I'm attempting to maintain some vestige of faith in the ideal.

CAROLYN: Oh, God, don't even start this with me.

MARTIN: We are, after all, talking to the woman who refers to the bloke she's been seeing for a year now a "man she knows."

DOUGLAS: Well, if that's your metric, Carolyn, there's quite a few fellows who count! You tramp, you.

CAROLYN: If my marriages were the alternative, I should have been so lucky.

DOUGLAS: Come now, Carolyn, you were a flight attendant! You're too young to remember, Martin, but there was a time when a hostie could practically name her own price on the old meet market.

CAROLYN: If by name her own price, you mean keep to a weight limit, an age ceiling, and an endless barrage of drunken rich prats pinching your bottom as you walked by. But if you managed to brave all of that to sniff out a fellow in a half-decent suit who could keep his hands to himself, then, yes, we certainly had the world on a string.

MARTIN: So that's what drew you to Gordon. Your expectations were low.

CAROLYN: Ugh. You should have met my first husband. Little did my twenty-year-old self know, it turns out there is something less appealing than life stuck in Cheshire with my sister Ruth.

DOUGLAS: Ah, a tale as old as time. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy is driven like rented mule in escape from girl's suffocating home life.

CAROLYN: If only I'd though to start flying sooner. It would have been a less grueling way to get half a world away.

MARTIN: So how did you end up with Gordon then? If you don't mind my asking!

CAROLYN: Oh, you know how it is. With men who are too used to getting their way.

DOUGLAS: No, I really think he doesn't.

CAROLYN: If you haven't learned anything in two marriages, you've only yourself to blame. Men like him, with a bit of money, who walk around like they own the place... their confidence beyond reason and sense has a sort of charm to it.

DOUGLAS: God bless it.

CAROLYN: Yes, thank you, Douglas! Trouble is, when you're young, you don't always see that... men who always get what they want don't like to give that up... even if you want something different. You try your best to be whatever it is you think he wants, and when you've turned yourself into something so thoroughly false even you can't stand yourself, and soon you find out that he was never worth it anyhow.

MARTIN: Ah.

(Pause.)

CAROLYN: And of course there was Arthur. Heaven knows he would try the patience of Mother Theresa, but if a boy's own father can't take pity on him, who can?

DOUGLAS: Sounds as though you made the right decision.

CAROLYN: I thought so.

MARTIN: I have to say, it's hard to imagine you putting up with that sort of thing.

CAROLYN: Well, that's when I decided. I was never going to... deal with a man, any man, as anything other than stubbornly, resolutely myself. So if I'm going to fright them off, well, they'll be frighted off sooner rather than later.

(Pause.)

CAROLYN: Go on and laugh.

DOUGLAS: No. As a matter of fact, I think that's rather beautiful. If they can't handle you at your worst, then they don't deserve you at your... ordinary level of horrid.


End file.
